Summer is essentially half over now, at least hopefully I'm getting to that point. I am tired of monotonous days filled with Calculus and responding to e-mails, letters and Facebook messages. I always get a little bit bored with the inanity of summer. I feel my need for a vacation dwindling after roughly a month. I am ready to get back into killing myself over difficult classes and trying to perfect the balancing act of my job, classes, depressing social life and plenty of sleep.
But, the summer is good for me because I learn a lot about myself. I spend time alone, allowing me to reconnect with what I actually think about the world and learn what I actually believe versus what others think that I should believe.
I may be cynical as hell, but I'm pretty set in my ways. Over freshman year, I tried to change the way I though about the world. It worked, to a certain degree. I changed in the ways that were important; during that change however, I forgot the most important lesson I ever learned. My father always used to say to me, "The only bad mistake is the one you do not learn from." Whether or not he was actually quoting something else is of no import, but the message is an important one, and one that I forgot.
So while my mind is 10-PM-fresh and my computer is calling to me, I'll compose a somewhat revised version of my credo.
- the idea of a nice guy is a pleasant myth, nada mas
- be rational. relax. don't let your emotions control your behavior.
- enjoy a good book. always make time to read for pleasure. it can save you.
- own all aspects of your personality. flaws included. people who can't deal with flaws should fuck off.
- do not force your religious beliefs on anyone else in thoughts or actions
- don't stop taking things personally, stop letting people know.
- be confident in your ability to accomplish things
- love the people who care about you (roommates, friends with potential drinking problems, and old Grotties who are way too far away from me right now :) )
- don't forget your goals. whether you want to go to med school or all you want to do is just get away from your family... do it.
- write things down. keep a journal, make to-do lists, scrapbook... do what you need to do.
- take lots of pictures.
- give up on someone. just let them go. stop hanging onto shit that hurts you. force yourself to acknowledge something that you don't want to. be brave.
- remember that you can save yourself.
- you are not alone, but you don't need other people.
- listen to good music. whether your happiness derives from juanes or carly rae jepsen. take five minutes and blast a good song that you know all the words to. it will help.
- enjoy being naked. go to sleep naked, wait a few extra minutes before removing your towel and jumping in the shower. stop seeing nudity as foreign. embrace it.
- admit your weaknesses to yourself. do not pretend that it is easy for you to stop being attached. do not pretend that you are patient. stop pretending that you have it all together. it's alright.
- be close to your siblings. don't let a small segment of your childhood muck up your relationship for the rest of your life. my sister is not perfect, but she will always be mi hermana.
- give a compliment that you really mean.
- don't be scared. remember what it feels like to take a risk. remember how good it feels. forget about consequences for a little bit.
- stop letting others manipulate you and guilt trip you into nearly believing their polluted misogynistic, imperialist, patriarchal sense of morality.
- you are a good person.
- you are kind.
- you love deeply and you love well.
- stop punishing yourself.
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