I feel so awful and terrible. All of this week and this weekend I've been feeling pretty much ok with us being away from each other and I've grown accustomed to it and I've been looking forward to talking all day and really appreciating what time we can spend together. I feel distraught & surprised & really upset. I love this boy to pieces but what he's saying to me tonight really hurts me.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Mabouya Valley - Dennery.
Yesterday I was invited to attend Sir Arthur Lewis Community College's tour of Mabouya (mah-bwee-ya) Valley hosted by the Creole Heritage Club. Our hosts were an A level history teacher as well as a renowned local historian, Dr. Gregor Williams. The group consisted of about 10 students and we spent all day, from 9-5, learning about the history and culture of one of the most beautiful parts of rural St. Lucia. It is common for us to discount the contribution of the countryside in terms of cultural development, but the field trip gave us a taste of the different acts of ecological and cultural preservation that were alive in just this small region of the island. Mabouya Valley is located in the district of Dennery on the East Coast of the island and, like other parts of St. Lucia, is influenced by an amalgamation of Amerindian, African and East Indian cultures. The name "Mabouya" comes from an Amerindian word. Now it is also the name of an endemic lizard, but the name originally was the name of a spirit of mischief in Amerindian lore.
The first place we stopped was a plant nursery in Mabouya Valley, Dennery. Two men involved in St. Lucia’s forestry restoration and preservation of land spoke to us about the plants they worked with and educated us about the history of plants and agricultural traditions present in St. Lucia’s culture. They spoke to us about the future of forestry planning in St. Lucia, career opportunities, and seeking ways to adapt our use of land in St. Lucia and develop economic opportunities from agriculture and forest restoration on the island.
Pictured here we have the vanilla plant, the same plant used to make vanilla essence. Our official accompanying tour guide, Dr. Gregor Williams, spoke to us about the history of vanilla production in St. Lucia, augmenting the introduction given to us by the forestry managers. Vanilla is not endemic to St. Lucia and as a result will not pollinate on it’s own. The individual vanilla flowers must be hand pollinated at a particular time during the day, at a specific time during the reproductive cycle of the plant. During this small window of time, farmers must pollinate flowers individually. Vanilla also grows as a vine and attaches itself to other plants – it doesn’t kill the other plant and the two can grow together.
Above we have some more holistic pictures of the plant nursery. This is where rainfall data is collected for the area and there are many different kinds of plants and trees in their early stages of development. These trees will later be transplanted once they are large enough to survive on their own. Some of the trees are used as incentives for farmers and other private property owners to get involved in forest restoration on their land. If they agree to plant trees important for forest restoration, they are given trees that possess economic value – some may be given cinnamon trees or nutmeg trees in exchange for planting trees that are not as valuable to humans as they are to the local ecology.
After learning about the forest restoration aspect of Mabouya Valley culture, we visted the home & production center of the Balyé, locally made brooms that can be found in the Castries market especially as well as other places around the island. This particular broom maker sold his brooms up and down the West Coast, although his operation was on the East Coast of St. Lucia.
In his backyard, pictured here, we can see the leaves used to make the broom drying in the sun. The supplies for the broom handle as well as the bristles of the broom come from the same tree, which is found deep within “the bush” – a reference to the forests of Mabouya Valley. In the past, creating a broom would result in the death of the tree because the material used to bind the bristles and the handle required the tree to be cut. Now, plastic twine is used to bind the materials together, so broom makers can preserve trees as well as have a continuous source of income from selling the brooms.
The man we visited demonstrated the method of tying the broom bristles to the handle. He works alone, harvesting and caring for the trees, looking after plants on his farm, making the brooms, and traveling to the West Coast in order to find customers who will buy brooms from him. He learned the trade from his father, but this bastion of cultural knowledge will be lost with his generation. Although he has children, he mentioned that none of them were interested in hard work - “Young people like fast money”. Before finding other sources of income, over the course of six months, he would hand-produce about 2000 brooms.
His story was an interesting insight into St. Lucia’s past colliding with one of the present. Without effort, this type of knowledge cannot be preserved.
After this we went to a rice plantation/ farm area owned by a family of generational rastafarians. There were four tours offered, but for our trip we only heard the "aromatherapy" presentation as well as a description of the plants they grew. We also learned creole words for different plants and sampled our local apricot and sweet breadfruit. The rastafarians also produce their own tofu and are one of the only tofu producers on the island.
We took a hike along one of the Mabouya Valley trails to this somewhat hidden waterfall. Many of these waterfalls were hideouts for runaway slaves. These marooned Negroes are called “neg mawon” in creole and have a rich history in the center of the island. Dr. Gregor Williams was an expert in this history and told us different stories of the runaways. In St. Lucia, the center of the island provided a perfect escape. The forests contain rivers and streams for fresh water, an abundance of different fruits – like mangoes – and plenty of space to hide and form communities for resistance. St. Lucia even had guerilla wars between the runaways and the slave masters. Women and men fought equally in the wars. The marooned slaves had a surprising history of female empowerment that predated what would be considered to be the “mainstream feminist movement”. Women in the Mabouya Valley have always demanded equal pay to the men since slaves were freed. When the men were paid one shilling per day but the women 10p, they rioted to make the same amount. Women from the area were always known as being strong because of their demands for equality and a part of this reputation continues today.
The area is also filled with fascinating ecology, like the tree above with roots visible above the ground. The waterfall here was in one of the major hotbeds of runaway slave communities and today it is used as a place for Dennery residents to come cool down between work shifts as well as a nature trail for people with cars that can handle the narrow and bumpy unpaved access road.
For lunch we went to a creole restaurant at the Dennery viewpoint a popular stop on round-the-island tours. We were offered greenfig & saltfish – our national dish – or bouillon, which is often made with pork and callaloo.
Here we have a steam powered old sugar processor and an old cattle mill. The stage was later added but was not a part of the original mill, which had a huge post in the middle and arms that were continuously moved by cattle throughout the day. All of these devices were present during the time of slavery. Escaped slaves in the Mabouya were probably from mills such as this one or large plantations. Below we have a windmill that was also a part of this production area. It is now covered with vegetation, and is apparently often inhabited by a large boa constrictor.
After taking a look at the historical aspect of Fond D’Or Park we took a walk down through a path to the beach. The beaches in Dennery are not for swimming; like most beaches on the Atlantic side of the island there is a powerful undertow. This particular beach was also littered with trash, but some vestiges of natural beauty remained on the trail down as well as the beach itself.
In the forest, we saw this tree with peeling bark, which is called by school children the “tourist peeling tree” due to the nature of the bark being analogous to a tourist’s sunburn.
After taking a look at the historical aspect of Fond D’Or Park we took a walk down through a path to the beach. The beaches in Dennery are not for swimming; like most beaches on the Atlantic side of the island there is a powerful undertow. This particular beach was also littered with trash, but some vestiges of natural beauty remained on the trail down as well as the beach itself.
In the forest, we saw this tree with peeling bark, which is called by school children the “tourist peeling tree” due to the nature of the bark being analogous to a tourist’s sunburn.
St. Lucia’s land crab is edible and delicious. Dennery is known for a plethora of these land crabs. On the beach there were many washed up crab claws? Throughout the path there were giant holes like the one pictured below where the crabs reside.
After this we visited one more old factory where there was a famous western style pistol fight between Sir John Compton and another gentleman took place in the 1950s. We gained insight into the events that started the Castries fire of 1948 that destroyed about 3/4 of the city. Dr. Gregor Williams lived in Castries at the time of the fire and his personal insight combined with his extensive historical knowledge made him an excellent tour guide. Mabouya Valley is a hotbed of cultural activity and preservation of St. Lucia's rich cultural and ecological heritage is important to our future. As Dr. Williams pointed out, culture is comprised of many aspects and is constantly changing. Our environments are the foundation for our culture however, and must be preserved for us to move forward ecologically. This trip was hopefully influential in convincing his target audience of A level students about the importance of becoming involved politically and preventing politicians and greedy businessmen from trading our natural resources and ecological beauty for money.
The first place we stopped was a plant nursery in Mabouya Valley, Dennery. Two men involved in St. Lucia’s forestry restoration and preservation of land spoke to us about the plants they worked with and educated us about the history of plants and agricultural traditions present in St. Lucia’s culture. They spoke to us about the future of forestry planning in St. Lucia, career opportunities, and seeking ways to adapt our use of land in St. Lucia and develop economic opportunities from agriculture and forest restoration on the island.
Here is a picture of a pinecone from the Caribbean pine, which is also prolific in the forests around Mabouya Valley. These trees are often used as barriers between different types of trees.
Above we have some more holistic pictures of the plant nursery. This is where rainfall data is collected for the area and there are many different kinds of plants and trees in their early stages of development. These trees will later be transplanted once they are large enough to survive on their own. Some of the trees are used as incentives for farmers and other private property owners to get involved in forest restoration on their land. If they agree to plant trees important for forest restoration, they are given trees that possess economic value – some may be given cinnamon trees or nutmeg trees in exchange for planting trees that are not as valuable to humans as they are to the local ecology.
After learning about the forest restoration aspect of Mabouya Valley culture, we visted the home & production center of the Balyé, locally made brooms that can be found in the Castries market especially as well as other places around the island. This particular broom maker sold his brooms up and down the West Coast, although his operation was on the East Coast of St. Lucia.
In his backyard, pictured here, we can see the leaves used to make the broom drying in the sun. The supplies for the broom handle as well as the bristles of the broom come from the same tree, which is found deep within “the bush” – a reference to the forests of Mabouya Valley. In the past, creating a broom would result in the death of the tree because the material used to bind the bristles and the handle required the tree to be cut. Now, plastic twine is used to bind the materials together, so broom makers can preserve trees as well as have a continuous source of income from selling the brooms.
The man we visited demonstrated the method of tying the broom bristles to the handle. He works alone, harvesting and caring for the trees, looking after plants on his farm, making the brooms, and traveling to the West Coast in order to find customers who will buy brooms from him. He learned the trade from his father, but this bastion of cultural knowledge will be lost with his generation. Although he has children, he mentioned that none of them were interested in hard work - “Young people like fast money”. Before finding other sources of income, over the course of six months, he would hand-produce about 2000 brooms.
His story was an interesting insight into St. Lucia’s past colliding with one of the present. Without effort, this type of knowledge cannot be preserved.
After this we went to a rice plantation/ farm area owned by a family of generational rastafarians. There were four tours offered, but for our trip we only heard the "aromatherapy" presentation as well as a description of the plants they grew. We also learned creole words for different plants and sampled our local apricot and sweet breadfruit. The rastafarians also produce their own tofu and are one of the only tofu producers on the island.
We took a hike along one of the Mabouya Valley trails to this somewhat hidden waterfall. Many of these waterfalls were hideouts for runaway slaves. These marooned Negroes are called “neg mawon” in creole and have a rich history in the center of the island. Dr. Gregor Williams was an expert in this history and told us different stories of the runaways. In St. Lucia, the center of the island provided a perfect escape. The forests contain rivers and streams for fresh water, an abundance of different fruits – like mangoes – and plenty of space to hide and form communities for resistance. St. Lucia even had guerilla wars between the runaways and the slave masters. Women and men fought equally in the wars. The marooned slaves had a surprising history of female empowerment that predated what would be considered to be the “mainstream feminist movement”. Women in the Mabouya Valley have always demanded equal pay to the men since slaves were freed. When the men were paid one shilling per day but the women 10p, they rioted to make the same amount. Women from the area were always known as being strong because of their demands for equality and a part of this reputation continues today.
The area is also filled with fascinating ecology, like the tree above with roots visible above the ground. The waterfall here was in one of the major hotbeds of runaway slave communities and today it is used as a place for Dennery residents to come cool down between work shifts as well as a nature trail for people with cars that can handle the narrow and bumpy unpaved access road.
For lunch we went to a creole restaurant at the Dennery viewpoint a popular stop on round-the-island tours. We were offered greenfig & saltfish – our national dish – or bouillon, which is often made with pork and callaloo.
In the afternoon we went to Fond D’Or Park, which is part of a 400-acre nature preserve. Hotel owners tried to sell the acreage for a nearby hotel to bring a golf course. Activists were so aggressive that the project was luckily squashed. This sort of activism must continue to prevent greedy entrepreneurs from destroying St. Lucia’s ecological resources to create international playgrounds for the rich. This site used to be an old sugar mill. This room was used for processing and purifying sugar and molasses.
In the forest, we saw this tree with peeling bark, which is called by school children the “tourist peeling tree” due to the nature of the bark being analogous to a tourist’s sunburn.
 |
| Tourist Peeling Tree |
After taking a look at the historical aspect of Fond D’Or Park we took a walk down through a path to the beach. The beaches in Dennery are not for swimming; like most beaches on the Atlantic side of the island there is a powerful undertow. This particular beach was also littered with trash, but some vestiges of natural beauty remained on the trail down as well as the beach itself.
In the forest, we saw this tree with peeling bark, which is called by school children the “tourist peeling tree” due to the nature of the bark being analogous to a tourist’s sunburn.
St. Lucia’s land crab is edible and delicious. Dennery is known for a plethora of these land crabs. On the beach there were many washed up crab claws? Throughout the path there were giant holes like the one pictured below where the crabs reside.
After this we visited one more old factory where there was a famous western style pistol fight between Sir John Compton and another gentleman took place in the 1950s. We gained insight into the events that started the Castries fire of 1948 that destroyed about 3/4 of the city. Dr. Gregor Williams lived in Castries at the time of the fire and his personal insight combined with his extensive historical knowledge made him an excellent tour guide. Mabouya Valley is a hotbed of cultural activity and preservation of St. Lucia's rich cultural and ecological heritage is important to our future. As Dr. Williams pointed out, culture is comprised of many aspects and is constantly changing. Our environments are the foundation for our culture however, and must be preserved for us to move forward ecologically. This trip was hopefully influential in convincing his target audience of A level students about the importance of becoming involved politically and preventing politicians and greedy businessmen from trading our natural resources and ecological beauty for money.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Nugget 18
Sometimes I think maybe I take things too personally. I wonder if I am being over dramatic. I know that I can't take everything to heart and let it ruin my personal relationships but I have trouble getting things under control. What I hear when he speaks is after six months away from me, he projects wanting and needing more space. That does not sound like a future and my depressive mind oxygenates flames of anger and loneliness. I need deep breaths and I need time to speed up.
Monday, June 17, 2013
This Week's Pain
This is honestly really hurting me. And I'm trying to try to see all the benefits right now and to look past the obvious damage that my hormones and depression enact upon my psyche. But it's difficult to do that. To be honest, I wish I could say that I blamed myself but I don't. My need to inflict pain on another being is for once in my life not directed internally. I can eat, sleep and exercise but there is a pit in stomach throughout most of the day and it's composed of doubt and mystery. Uncertainty is likely in the mix as well. I see myself suffering at least for the next two months and I am unsure if I can handle it. But what do I do?
If I really "stop handling" it, nothing will come of it except even more loneliness. While I still love him, I cannot imagine thinking, feeling, touching or even talking to anyone else which is in effect what would be expected. I can't imagine going days and weeks and eventually months without hearing from him. Yet, I also can't continue feeling lost, alone and like I'm missing something huge and important. I need to reconcile my reality with my emotions but I'm not sure how I can do that. In reality, I should talk to him and tell him how I feel, but for the first time I feel like he doesn't understand that it isn't me feeling insecure and I'm not worried about him loving me.
I'm worried about this still being a relationship. I think at this point, there is inconsistency in how we each think this will play out or what we expect from being "together" while being apart. I still want us to feel like we are a necessary part of each other's lives and not a scheduled inconvenience and emotional drain. I want to feel like less of an interruption. And I wonder if my reasons for feeling so negatively are as a result of my selfishness or some other flaw I possess? Is it better for me to try to work through my problems alone for a while and really think about what is wrong with me before trying to explain and mull out an esoteric thought like this? Would mulling around how I feel even work in a relationship where we talk to each other about 20 minutes a day when both of us are focused of either something else or trying to keep the tone light?
I feel unnatural and out of place in his life right now. I feel so hurt and almost irretrievable from sadness. But it isn't because I don't want to be with him, I just don't know how to deal with being away from him right now and being in a different place and a different time with so many thoughts that are different from his. I am a crude juxtaposition of messy irrational fears next to a collected, brilliant man. I hope I can end this week feeling better about this relationship and I'm going to go back through my journals and blog posts about him to remember why exactly I'm doing this and who I'm doing this for. This isn't a concept or an idea, it's a flesh and blood man who I am in love with and who I am incredibly happy being with. I need to detach myself from feeling incredibly angry and for feeling abandoned. I need to reflect. I don't want to give up on this, but I'm fighting a battle with my fears (about myself & the world).
I want to win.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Nugget 17
I am unable to process emotions right now. When I am not forced to, it's much easier for me to conceal how upset I'm feeling than to initiate conflict. In this situation, I've been told that conflict will do more harm than good. The cost is feeling consistently alone when I shouldn't. Support need not be physical.
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