(Started August 8 9 pm)
My sister is returning tonight and soon we are going to rock the town! I'm really excited and even if she is a pain in the butt, we have a lot of fun and we get along pretty well. Right now I am 60% addicted to Fringe and 40% addicted to a mixture of Sims (plus expansion packs!) and Game of Thrones books.
Fringe is an amazing sci-fi series that started in 2009. I started watching it when the series premiered but stopped a little way into season 2 because I got really busy with college paranoia and my junior year. I'll collect all the reasons that I like the show later and write something really brief when I get the chance.
Recently I have been thinking about my trip back to Middlebury with a mixture of anxiety and happiness. I hate the idle feelings of summertime but I am also not overly excited to get back to the constant pressure of academia and socializing and the other multiple stresses I have during my daily life. Maybe I can make myself feel better about the next month by accomplishing something of substance this summer. Or perhaps I can delude myself into feelings of eager anticipation. Which is worse?
Should I engage my mind in a depressing realism or delude myself with joyful ideas of what could be once I arrive at school. Realism is painful now, but it may pay off later. Anticipation is the opposite. I think I should stick to healthy realism for now. I'm at the point in my life where I cannot afford to hold onto false hope of any kind that my emotional situation will spontaneously change. I need to take control rather than acting upon the assumption that I lack control completely.
Growing up is near impossible for me right now I fear. I am trapped in a strange limbo between youth and adulthood. It wreaks havoc on my mind. I do not have enough answers to the questions I frequently ponder. I want to be in control but I am accepting that I cannot be in control all the time. It is difficult.
My sister is returning tonight and soon we are going to rock the town! I'm really excited and even if she is a pain in the butt, we have a lot of fun and we get along pretty well. Right now I am 60% addicted to Fringe and 40% addicted to a mixture of Sims (plus expansion packs!) and Game of Thrones books.
Fringe is an amazing sci-fi series that started in 2009. I started watching it when the series premiered but stopped a little way into season 2 because I got really busy with college paranoia and my junior year. I'll collect all the reasons that I like the show later and write something really brief when I get the chance.
Recently I have been thinking about my trip back to Middlebury with a mixture of anxiety and happiness. I hate the idle feelings of summertime but I am also not overly excited to get back to the constant pressure of academia and socializing and the other multiple stresses I have during my daily life. Maybe I can make myself feel better about the next month by accomplishing something of substance this summer. Or perhaps I can delude myself into feelings of eager anticipation. Which is worse?
Should I engage my mind in a depressing realism or delude myself with joyful ideas of what could be once I arrive at school. Realism is painful now, but it may pay off later. Anticipation is the opposite. I think I should stick to healthy realism for now. I'm at the point in my life where I cannot afford to hold onto false hope of any kind that my emotional situation will spontaneously change. I need to take control rather than acting upon the assumption that I lack control completely.
Growing up is near impossible for me right now I fear. I am trapped in a strange limbo between youth and adulthood. It wreaks havoc on my mind. I do not have enough answers to the questions I frequently ponder. I want to be in control but I am accepting that I cannot be in control all the time. It is difficult.
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