Weeks Away

There are only a few weeks left before I go back.

I am ready in a number of ways. I want to work. I want to challenge myself academically. I want to be back in my dorm room running my own life. I want to have enough motivation to take myself to the gym everyday.

There is so much that I am ready for.

At the same time, I am worried about things too. I am worried about pressure regarding academics. I am worried about disappointment in my "social life". I fear that the work I am putting into my body this summer will only be temporary. What if I am not motivated enough to trek all the way down to the gym every day?

Then of course, there is my perpetual concerns regarding other people. I will have to face my own inadequacy and dissatisfaction regarding the boys that I have come across. I have to force myself to acknowledge that Americanos are all the same. Although they have different personalities and quirks, for the most part their egos and motivations are identical and shallow.

I need to get back to Midd to get out of my head and experience the real world in a way different from my first-year spring.

This fall, I am powerful, realistic, motivated, happy, strong and intelligent. I have lost some darkness and shed some naïveté. My mind is a blank slate. Negativity is peripheral and my own success and happiness is now a greater priority than it ever was before.

Sophomore year can bring it. I'm done screwing up.