Why Harry Kim is my favorite character

• Asian man on TV - not desexualized
• Loves his girlfriend
• Won't cheat on his girlfriend even if he may not be home for 75 years
• Helps out his friends & tells them when they are shitty
• Is mad at his man hoe friend for being a man hoe
• Plays the clarinet
• Super smart like everyone on voyager
• Man of color. On TV. A good person.
• cute. and has a cute smile.

Morning at Carol's

• Nowhere is open in this town between 7:30-8:00 am where you can buy tampons.
• I've been thinking of planning the J-term workshop curriculum with Becca H.
• My boyfriend got his wisdom teeth out and I'm worried about his recovery, but got the cutest Vicodin-texts from him. 
• It's the weekend! I am free from school! Finally I can take time to myself.
• I was the first person in this café. People in this town are not early birds. 
• I've been having more dreams recently, but I've been able to sleep better as time goes on. 
• I am almost done with 1Q84, which is excellent because then I can write a book review, which I haven't done in a while
• I can't wait to see my sister and parents.
• I've been itching to write, but I want to stray from writing something depressing. I am having difficulty with finding inspiration. Although I can always, always write about love, it's so overdone (especially for me) and I don't want to obsess over love right now.

Nugget #16

Could never say this on tumblr, but here's something I can't stand real quick:

I don't understand people who post every single day about hating men and how much they don't trust them but then complain about how no men like them or want to be in relationships with them? I'm not saying you should do things to get men to like you and change yourself but you can't have relationships with hate or without trust. It's just not going to work. I just feel like you can have your hatred of men for whatever reason, but then it's not necessarily anyone's fault that you aren't in a relationship. People need to realize that they are not completely blameless.

Nugget #15

I miss him very much, but I am done weeping and feeling terrible. Now, all we can do is live and be happy with this relationship until he comes back. I'm trying to stay in touch with him as much as possible. I'm sure the most difficult part is yet to come. For now, I'm working on making day-to-day life easy on myself and enjoying the time I have by myself. I can't change my circumstances right now, so I'm doing my best to wait.

Coping is a very strange process for me so I'm doing the best that I can. Even if right now we're both in the "NY" time zone, knowing what time it is when he's in SF or in Tokyo will help me so I have these little clocks on my Macbook's dashboard.

Time is strange. The concept of time has consumed my thoughts these past few days - a mix of thinking about Andrew, watching Doctor Who, Star Trek and reading 1Q84 and poetry to go along with it has me wondering about the passage of time. This is normal I suppose.

Besides trying to compromise rationality with my need to obsess over time, I am trying to stay away from negativity and find ways to think positively about being in a long distance relationship. Of course, I'm using the internet for research which has it's fair share of negativity. Maybe I'll report back on my findings later, but only if I can keep a clear enough head to write neutrally. I'm limiting my days of depressive blogging. Sadness is alright, but it is no longer integrated into every piece of my expression.

Memory

Memory is important. Psychology and neuroscience majors know that memory can be altered based on our current state of being. Memory preservation must be important to humans, whether or not the memories recalled are true or not. We have journals, diaries and written or oral histories as proof that human's are obsessed with the past. Being obsessed with keeping the past alive has downsides, when we become obsessed with an idyllic past that no longer exists. This obsession can also be problematic when we remember the past as totally lacking value - it leaves us nothing to look forward to.



As the end of the year approaches and I grow closer to my sixth month absence from A, I've been brainstorming ways that I can keep memories of us being together fresh in case the stress of separation drives a wedge of tension into the corner of my mind where doubt lives. In my typical lazy fashion, I'm just going to make bullet points of some of the most memorable parts of this year. Although we will both admit we had sort of shaky start, he's become one of the most important parts of my life this year.

• Channel Orange playlists
• Falling asleep while Skyping over Christmas break
• Fun. concert in January
• Being comforted over Organic Chem during J-term
• Feb break 
• Trip to Burlington Japanese restaurant
• Posse Retreat
• Spring Break in NYC - Natural History Museum and going to dinner & a movie & gelato
• Every single Free Friday Film we've been to (even when I asked for us to leave during Django)
• Snuggling and watching Season 1 of Powerpuff Girls & dancing along to the theme song
• Every KDR party we've been to
• Playing Spades (& winning) in the Grille
• Heart Attacks
• Catching up on Game of Thrones
• Face timing my sister
• Making / drinking fake sorrel together
• Showing up to most/all of my Crossroads shifts
• Pretty much just being one of the sweetest, strongest & most amazing people I know

Don't forget what you have. Six months is only a little while.

Summer Plans

• MCAT Prep
• Shadowing pathologist on St. Lucia 
• Exercise 
• Yarn Braids
• Planning for Fall Semester
• Keeping in touch with A. 
• Keeping in touch with my friends / brothers
• Working on revamping the student run café that somehow I'm a part of running 
• De-cluttering my life
• Reconnecting with a spiritual self - finding inner peace, working on keeping depression at bay

Nugget #14

Trying to motivate this boy to work while I am half-ass-ed-ly working on a paper due in two weeks and  perusing the internet for things to entertain me. His allergies have been acting up this week. I have been trying to quell sadness so that I can have all the energy to appreciate the time we have left to spend with each other. I can't really imagine what the next five months will be like until I feel them, but right now I feel confident and happy going into them. For once in my life, my anxieties are not controlling me. I wonder if he has played a part in this mental healing, in that he is the antithesis of my constant worrying. I wonder how five months will be without being able to rest my head on his chest or feel his giant hugs. So far, I am just happy that he's going to be able to experience something as amazing as Japan; I need to remind myself of this repeatedly. 

Nugget #13

I feel very awkward at social events where I am only everyone's acquaintance but everyone else is friends with each other.

My hair smells a little smoky and my arms and legs are tanned. Being outside can be fun in the spring, but uncomfortable social events make me really sad. Therefore I retreat inside and kind of enjoy being by myself while wishing I was comfortable enough to be social.