This weekend I am headed to New Englands to race with the women's novice crew. I like them a lot and I am excited for the experience but for some reason a night away from campus has me excessively nervous. I'm worried that I will mess something up and ruin the race for them. I'm worried that I'll be too cold because all my clothing will be soaked and I won't have brought enough. I'm terrified that something will happen during the race to ruin all their hard work. I'm scared that I'll miss something important happening on campus. I'm scared that I'll fail to follow the traffic pattern and the coaches will be mad at me.
This is a picture of what life is like in my head. It's perpetually stressful. I am perpetually mulling over things that could go wrong or things that are outside of my control. I want to be free of this constant worry and I'm learning how to deal with it. I'm learning how to tackle the worst case scenario mentally and then think of ways to conquer the worst case scenario and control it.
So, I'm oddly filled with dread about this weekend for what seems to be nothing specific, but upon further examination is a slew of too specific horrific scenarios that I can't shake free. And of course, on top of all of this, I put this pressure on myself to recall the better days I've had. I remember times when all this stress could have easily gone away because I would have had someone there to console me and protect me against my negativity. I remember the days when I didn't have to fight my neuroses alone and just the recollection of that is enough to accelerate my downward spiral.
This is a picture of what life is like in my head. It's perpetually stressful. I am perpetually mulling over things that could go wrong or things that are outside of my control. I want to be free of this constant worry and I'm learning how to deal with it. I'm learning how to tackle the worst case scenario mentally and then think of ways to conquer the worst case scenario and control it.
So, I'm oddly filled with dread about this weekend for what seems to be nothing specific, but upon further examination is a slew of too specific horrific scenarios that I can't shake free. And of course, on top of all of this, I put this pressure on myself to recall the better days I've had. I remember times when all this stress could have easily gone away because I would have had someone there to console me and protect me against my negativity. I remember the days when I didn't have to fight my neuroses alone and just the recollection of that is enough to accelerate my downward spiral.
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