I've always been interested in the brain- studying the neurology chapters in AP Biology were some of my favorite weeks of the class. I love learning about how the brain functions and why certain things happen the way they do. As a part of my nerdiness in this regard, I took a liking to downloading college psychology and neuroscience lectures so I could explore the field sitting on my bed listening to my iPod. One of the first podcasts I listened to was the science of phobia. The podcast was no more than twenty minutes long and was an explanation of the difference between a fear and a phobia. I understood it perfectly on a scientific level, but it brought to mind more philosophical questions regarding fears. What do I fear? What should I fear? How should I prioritize my fears from the relevant to the irrational?
The question "What do I fear?" is probably the most important one for me to figure out. If I am sure of what I fear, then I will be able to conquer it. Although I know fears and phobias are different, I'm sure they are defeated in similar ways. I have a desire to overcome the things I am afraid of, but this desire is useless without knowing where to begin. The things I am afraid of seem so general that even if I correctly identified them, I don't know that it would be useful in my quest for inner peace.
One of the main things that causes me a certain degree of anxiety - which I think of as an aspect of fear - is the future. Yes, I realize that everyone worries about the future to a certain degree, but my level of discomfort with the concept seems unnatural and can occasionally border on the irrational. I focus on all the fathomable outcomes of a decision, honing in on the most negative potential outcomes and living in paranoia of making an irreversible mistake. In fact, if I try to figure out what I fear most, it all comes down to this fear of the future. Perhaps all this means is that I am not special. Everyone fears the future; I don't see a logical way that this anxiety can be specific to my life, especially during my freshman year of college when most people are in the midst of "finding themselves" or "discovering their passions".
But then, if my fear is not unique, does this mean I shouldn't feel it? I wonder if I can even control this fear if it is so innate. It is possible that I shouldn't try to control this fear, but learn how to live with it. If I acknowledge that I am anxious about the future, yet try to be rational about the existence of my anxiety, perhaps it will lessen the negative effect. This sounds like a simple solution, however it works better theoretically than practically.
With more dedication, I believe this could lessen my fear of the future, however I'm worried about losing an aspect of my motivation because of it. My anxiety and constant fear causes me to throw myself completely into whatever I'm doing. This fear of failure, of having nothing, helps me to perform as well as I do. If I take a break from that anxiety with a "eff this" attitude, and I find myself slipping, I revert to my hatred of failing to bring me back to success.
In my clichéd attempts at self-discovery, I know that I should spend time evaluating my mental health and my psychological relationship to the things that I fear. Now, I am filled with questions and only theories or potential answers. Nothing definite sticks out as a solution to my problem and I am left to think that there may be no definite solution. Maybe this is something I am meant to struggle with; everyone has some internal struggle and this could be mine. My only job then would be to always have the upper hand in this struggle, trying to never be overwhelmed by the opposition. Regardless of the appearance of a solution, constantly being one step ahead can only be helpful in my quest to conquer what I fear.
The question "What do I fear?" is probably the most important one for me to figure out. If I am sure of what I fear, then I will be able to conquer it. Although I know fears and phobias are different, I'm sure they are defeated in similar ways. I have a desire to overcome the things I am afraid of, but this desire is useless without knowing where to begin. The things I am afraid of seem so general that even if I correctly identified them, I don't know that it would be useful in my quest for inner peace.
One of the main things that causes me a certain degree of anxiety - which I think of as an aspect of fear - is the future. Yes, I realize that everyone worries about the future to a certain degree, but my level of discomfort with the concept seems unnatural and can occasionally border on the irrational. I focus on all the fathomable outcomes of a decision, honing in on the most negative potential outcomes and living in paranoia of making an irreversible mistake. In fact, if I try to figure out what I fear most, it all comes down to this fear of the future. Perhaps all this means is that I am not special. Everyone fears the future; I don't see a logical way that this anxiety can be specific to my life, especially during my freshman year of college when most people are in the midst of "finding themselves" or "discovering their passions".
But then, if my fear is not unique, does this mean I shouldn't feel it? I wonder if I can even control this fear if it is so innate. It is possible that I shouldn't try to control this fear, but learn how to live with it. If I acknowledge that I am anxious about the future, yet try to be rational about the existence of my anxiety, perhaps it will lessen the negative effect. This sounds like a simple solution, however it works better theoretically than practically.
With more dedication, I believe this could lessen my fear of the future, however I'm worried about losing an aspect of my motivation because of it. My anxiety and constant fear causes me to throw myself completely into whatever I'm doing. This fear of failure, of having nothing, helps me to perform as well as I do. If I take a break from that anxiety with a "eff this" attitude, and I find myself slipping, I revert to my hatred of failing to bring me back to success.
In my clichéd attempts at self-discovery, I know that I should spend time evaluating my mental health and my psychological relationship to the things that I fear. Now, I am filled with questions and only theories or potential answers. Nothing definite sticks out as a solution to my problem and I am left to think that there may be no definite solution. Maybe this is something I am meant to struggle with; everyone has some internal struggle and this could be mine. My only job then would be to always have the upper hand in this struggle, trying to never be overwhelmed by the opposition. Regardless of the appearance of a solution, constantly being one step ahead can only be helpful in my quest to conquer what I fear.
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