When you turn 18 you are considered an adult by society. Legally, you can vote, buy cigarettes, porn, enlist in the army, buy lottery tickets, get tattoos and piercings without parental consent and pretty much do everything except have a legal (alcoholic) drink. It's terrifying to think about as someone from the other side of the 18-year-old fence. I look at people who are close to my age and I wonder if they should really be allowed to vote. I wonder if I'm ready for society and prepared to live outside the pressures of family and friends and be entirely self-sufficient. As long as you depend on people you are never truly an adult. I think about how I will know that I'm all grown up. I know that society telling me that I'm an adult at 18 will have nothing to do with it. I've seen 18 year olds who are clearly not capable of having their own lives and I see people who are my age or younger who would probably survive just fine in the real world.
I doubt I will realize I'm an adult at a specific moment. I doubt I will be able to pinpoint a date and time and say, "ah, yes, I am all grown up now. I suppose it is time for me to act like a true adult". I expect that I will figure it out over time. I can see myself waking up and realizing that I am finally one of the unreasonable grown ups, except their unreasonable actions will all make sense to me. I will be privy to their great wisdom finally and have access to their pains and troubles and successes and regrets.
For now I am at the classic teenage impasse. A part of society is yelling "Be responsible! Be an adult!" at the same time, other voices in society counteract that, they scream "You are still a child! You are too young! Don't be in a hurry to grow up! You are ignorant and eventually you will understand." So who am I supposed to listen to? Independence is supposed to be integrated into my lifestyle and not come all at once. I'm supposed to let the adults lead me along on a string until they have decided I'm old enough.
Am I old enough when I start making double their incomes? Am I old enough when I vote for the "right" president? Maybe it happens when I can pick up everything I own and run away and it will actually work out. Perhaps it's when I have my own place, career and plans for the future and I simply don't care anymore. Maybe when I find the remote, and turn down the volume of all of society's screaming voices I will find adulthood.
I think the trick is to make baby steps. In my quest for maturity and adulthood - the two are not necessarily the same thing - I put a lot of thought into what this actually means and how I can attain it with whatever minimal significance I have. Self awareness is a big part of growing up - realizing your youth and it's limitations within society. However, self-awareness should not be debilitating and stop you from reaching for your dreams. Trying to work within the limitations your self-awareness has provided is a lot more effective. Another part of growing up is being able to do things on your own; that can be accomplished through planning a road trip to visit a friend in another state, booking your own flights home without help from your parents, getting your first real paying job or even treating yourself to the latest technology from your own bank account.
Financial independence is a huge part of becoming an adult, specifically in today's world but there is another aspect of independence that I occasionally try to ignore. Emotions. The word gives me chills ever since my recent push to have reason guide my actions as opposed to my impulses. But it's true, emotional maturity is a big part of being an adult. If I think back to my actions that have been criticized for being immature, I realize that my definition of emotional maturity and everyone else's may have some slight differences.
People think that piping down and just "being an adult" when someone crosses one of your boundaries is the mature thing to do, but I disagree. It takes adulthood to a certain degree, but I find standing up for what you believe in to be more courageous. Recognizing the negative consequences for your actions and still having the courage to stick up for yourself is something I would consider to be grown up.
Regarding friendships, I think maturity is being able to go months without seeing friends and having things be totally fine when you do end up seeing each other and catching up. Maturity is not getting upset when your friends cannot pick up the phone or take a rain check on your Skype dates. One thing I have learned is going off to college changes dynamics in your friendships. Although you are further away from each other, the people who you grew to love in high school become your support system. If you have a bad day, or want to vent about the annoying girl on your hall, the people you just met are not the ones you talk to. The girls who you lived with before, who understand your nuances and that when you get angry and scream into the phone for five minutes you will be completely over it in half an hour, are the ones who will be there. Friendships gain a tinge of nostalgia. You wish you had told each other how much you cared; you wish you could run away to New York together just for a while to relive the good days.
Growing up is realizing that your dreams might change and the dreams that once seemed so attainable might be further off than you realized. It's being there for your friends when their dreams change and even if you're just as lost as they are, it's about assuring them that everything will be okay. The cusp of adulthood is a strange place to be. A slight push over the edge and I expect I will have a moment of realization.
"I'm an adult. Oh my god. When did this happen?"
And I'll look back on all the years past, and I'll have all those typical adult feelings of regret and anxiety, but hopefully wherever I'm looking back from will be the place I've been striving to get to. I can't imagine being an adult and still having these unfulfilled dreams. I strive to refuse disappointment and live as successfully as I possibly can.
I doubt I will realize I'm an adult at a specific moment. I doubt I will be able to pinpoint a date and time and say, "ah, yes, I am all grown up now. I suppose it is time for me to act like a true adult". I expect that I will figure it out over time. I can see myself waking up and realizing that I am finally one of the unreasonable grown ups, except their unreasonable actions will all make sense to me. I will be privy to their great wisdom finally and have access to their pains and troubles and successes and regrets.
For now I am at the classic teenage impasse. A part of society is yelling "Be responsible! Be an adult!" at the same time, other voices in society counteract that, they scream "You are still a child! You are too young! Don't be in a hurry to grow up! You are ignorant and eventually you will understand." So who am I supposed to listen to? Independence is supposed to be integrated into my lifestyle and not come all at once. I'm supposed to let the adults lead me along on a string until they have decided I'm old enough.
Am I old enough when I start making double their incomes? Am I old enough when I vote for the "right" president? Maybe it happens when I can pick up everything I own and run away and it will actually work out. Perhaps it's when I have my own place, career and plans for the future and I simply don't care anymore. Maybe when I find the remote, and turn down the volume of all of society's screaming voices I will find adulthood.
I think the trick is to make baby steps. In my quest for maturity and adulthood - the two are not necessarily the same thing - I put a lot of thought into what this actually means and how I can attain it with whatever minimal significance I have. Self awareness is a big part of growing up - realizing your youth and it's limitations within society. However, self-awareness should not be debilitating and stop you from reaching for your dreams. Trying to work within the limitations your self-awareness has provided is a lot more effective. Another part of growing up is being able to do things on your own; that can be accomplished through planning a road trip to visit a friend in another state, booking your own flights home without help from your parents, getting your first real paying job or even treating yourself to the latest technology from your own bank account.
Financial independence is a huge part of becoming an adult, specifically in today's world but there is another aspect of independence that I occasionally try to ignore. Emotions. The word gives me chills ever since my recent push to have reason guide my actions as opposed to my impulses. But it's true, emotional maturity is a big part of being an adult. If I think back to my actions that have been criticized for being immature, I realize that my definition of emotional maturity and everyone else's may have some slight differences.
People think that piping down and just "being an adult" when someone crosses one of your boundaries is the mature thing to do, but I disagree. It takes adulthood to a certain degree, but I find standing up for what you believe in to be more courageous. Recognizing the negative consequences for your actions and still having the courage to stick up for yourself is something I would consider to be grown up.
Regarding friendships, I think maturity is being able to go months without seeing friends and having things be totally fine when you do end up seeing each other and catching up. Maturity is not getting upset when your friends cannot pick up the phone or take a rain check on your Skype dates. One thing I have learned is going off to college changes dynamics in your friendships. Although you are further away from each other, the people who you grew to love in high school become your support system. If you have a bad day, or want to vent about the annoying girl on your hall, the people you just met are not the ones you talk to. The girls who you lived with before, who understand your nuances and that when you get angry and scream into the phone for five minutes you will be completely over it in half an hour, are the ones who will be there. Friendships gain a tinge of nostalgia. You wish you had told each other how much you cared; you wish you could run away to New York together just for a while to relive the good days.
Growing up is realizing that your dreams might change and the dreams that once seemed so attainable might be further off than you realized. It's being there for your friends when their dreams change and even if you're just as lost as they are, it's about assuring them that everything will be okay. The cusp of adulthood is a strange place to be. A slight push over the edge and I expect I will have a moment of realization.
"I'm an adult. Oh my god. When did this happen?"
And I'll look back on all the years past, and I'll have all those typical adult feelings of regret and anxiety, but hopefully wherever I'm looking back from will be the place I've been striving to get to. I can't imagine being an adult and still having these unfulfilled dreams. I strive to refuse disappointment and live as successfully as I possibly can.
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