I am so tired and exhausted from this new trend of busy-ness. I have worked so many hours this week at my job. It is so difficult to keep on top of work and my rapidly deteriorating social life. I really love the people I work with, and more and more I am finding my "friends" here to be boring and whiny. I like my roommate tons though, so at least that part is good.
But I am just worried about managing this whole "busy life" I am starting to take seriously. And I worry that maybe I will be so focused on success that I will forget about a personal life. Is seeking personal connections to people here even worth it? I hear nobody dates, and honestly I'm not sure I'm even interested in that in any case. I thought I liked someone for a while, but now I'm not sure about that and if there's anything I've learned from my past, it's when someone starts to make you feel insecure or unsure of yourself it's best not to stick around despite your masochistic desires.
Even if I try to justify my crushes by making them out to be "different from other guys" in my head, that has never been the case. Maybe everything I spout on here is a skewed perspective of a girl in denial. Maybe I do have a "type" and my "type" is emotionally unavailable or lacking in empathy. For someone with no parental issues whatsoever, I think I have too many problems interacting with the world of men. There is something about me that is unappealing to people who I'm interested in. Perhaps my attempts to conceal my emotions are too weak, or alternatively perhaps they are too strong and I appear more frigid than I intend to. Whatever it is, it seems that no matter how successful I am, failure follows me in this department.
I like boys who are intelligent, ones who are strange, ones who are realistic and happy. I like a good sense of humor and a strong command of sarcasm. I like scrappy boys, put-together ones, tall ones, short ones, ones with beautifully structured faces and ones with glaring flaws from grotesque pimples to protruding noses. Yet, it seems that for all of my openness, I am destined for great solitude. It is too easy to be surrounded by friends and feel completely alone.
But I am just worried about managing this whole "busy life" I am starting to take seriously. And I worry that maybe I will be so focused on success that I will forget about a personal life. Is seeking personal connections to people here even worth it? I hear nobody dates, and honestly I'm not sure I'm even interested in that in any case. I thought I liked someone for a while, but now I'm not sure about that and if there's anything I've learned from my past, it's when someone starts to make you feel insecure or unsure of yourself it's best not to stick around despite your masochistic desires.
Even if I try to justify my crushes by making them out to be "different from other guys" in my head, that has never been the case. Maybe everything I spout on here is a skewed perspective of a girl in denial. Maybe I do have a "type" and my "type" is emotionally unavailable or lacking in empathy. For someone with no parental issues whatsoever, I think I have too many problems interacting with the world of men. There is something about me that is unappealing to people who I'm interested in. Perhaps my attempts to conceal my emotions are too weak, or alternatively perhaps they are too strong and I appear more frigid than I intend to. Whatever it is, it seems that no matter how successful I am, failure follows me in this department.
I like boys who are intelligent, ones who are strange, ones who are realistic and happy. I like a good sense of humor and a strong command of sarcasm. I like scrappy boys, put-together ones, tall ones, short ones, ones with beautifully structured faces and ones with glaring flaws from grotesque pimples to protruding noses. Yet, it seems that for all of my openness, I am destined for great solitude. It is too easy to be surrounded by friends and feel completely alone.
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