If I had to summarize the life lessons my father gave me, lesson number one would be "Be a problem solver, not a problem maker". I carry this piece of advice with me in most of my activities and whenever I am faced with a difficult problem or reach an impasse somewhere in my life I remember this tidbit and find a way to solve my problems and move on. If I can't solve problems, I certainly don't dwell on my problems and I work on ways to find solutions in the future.
I cannot stand when people create problems, or worse, when they acknowledge their problems then they do nothing to solve them. My flaw here is my inability to empathize. Of course, different people experience things in different ways. When I see someone who I feel lacks motivation to solve a problem, they may have motivation but may be clueless as to possible solutions. I cannot imagine a world where I let major, fixable problems sit and let them fester like a large scrape. If problems are scrapes, anesthetic must be applied immediately; of course it is not the most pleasant feeling, but an infection or leg amputation hurts far worse.
Everyone has moments when they feel inadequate. Bad scores on a test, an unrequited confession of love, a slow timed mile can all lead to powerful feelings of disappointment, especially if you are used to success coming easily. But how do we deal with feelings of inadequacy without losing sight of our goals and our self-worth. Is it the end of the world when your crush doesn't like you back or when you don't make the cut to be on a varsity team? And even if these failures represent the "end" of your world, how can you recover from an apocalyptic nightmare?
The most difficult part of recovering from disappointment is perspective. Anyone will tell you that when things aren't going my way, I tend to morph into a panicked and enraged version of myself. I like to think of that stage as a five foot three Godzilla with a shrill voice. Intimidating, I know. However humorous for the people around me, this is never a good solution. Tackling your problems involves realizing the insignificance of individual moments and realizing that people (especially overachievers) tend to focus on their moments of failure rather than their moments of success. So, a C on a test this week shouldn't overshadow two As you received earlier in the week. You may feel that you lost the love of your life, but the idea of this idealistic construct is primarily societal and probability dictates that you are likely to fall in love again. There is a degree of intense self-awareness involved in realizing your problems relative insignificance to the rest of your life, but this is the most important part of the "problem-solving" process. Even if this perspective cannot be instantly gained, repetition will eventually compound it into truth.
Another important part of finding solutions to your problems is determining why you either have problems or feel as if you do. Did you fail a test because you watched movies the night before, or because you are having trouble understanding the material? Problems may be caused by your actions, but they can also be caused by something external. In either case, blaming yourself and critiquing yourself is not a solution. Recognizing your mistakes is different from brooding about them.
If whatever is wrong is caused by something you have done, it is important to take responsibility and try to amend your actions. In the case of poor test results, if you didn't study enough, you aren't sure you understand, or if your test-taking method is not working for you, it is your responsibility to fix that. You need to see teachers immediately, get a tutor or find some effective way to fix your study methods. Complaining about failure or channeling your energy into lowering your self worth will assure progressively worse grades. I view academics and sports in similar realms. I feel like the same tactics can be used for both, replacing teachers with coaches and study methods with training routines. Of course, I am about as athletic as a potato spud so I'm probably not the best person to give advice about that.
With relationships, another area where I consider myself useless unless advising others, directing blame is often unhelpful. There are times when your behavior may be the cause of conflict. If this is something you can change, I definitely condone that. However, there are some cases where things just aren't meant to work out, or don't work out for a reason that doesn't involve anyone's fault. Finding ways to move past relationship, crush or hook up disasters that do not involve self-loathing or too much crying are healthiest. It's important to realize that bad things happen, confusing situations happen and leaving these situations with a lesson is much better than leaving them with clinical depression. Going out for a fun night of partying beats moping in your room every time. (Unless of course you drunk dial your ex professing your love. I do not advise this under any circumstance.)
Everyone has problems and everyone makes mistakes when dealing with their problems. Mistakes and personal issues don't define you. Rather, how you deal with these issues determines what type of person you are, to yourself and to the rest of the world. Pride should be shoved aside. In a way, a part of perfection is admitting your shortcomings and doing something to amend them. Everything can be fixed with time and effort. In a world of overachievers we feel like we shouldn't show weakness. But it's okay to be human, to have feelings and to make mistakes. Strength comes from dealing with problems, not hiding from them or complaining about them. The strongest people are the ones who are the most independent and the most driven to fix their flaws and amend their lifestyles.
Everyone has moments when they feel inadequate. Bad scores on a test, an unrequited confession of love, a slow timed mile can all lead to powerful feelings of disappointment, especially if you are used to success coming easily. But how do we deal with feelings of inadequacy without losing sight of our goals and our self-worth. Is it the end of the world when your crush doesn't like you back or when you don't make the cut to be on a varsity team? And even if these failures represent the "end" of your world, how can you recover from an apocalyptic nightmare?
The most difficult part of recovering from disappointment is perspective. Anyone will tell you that when things aren't going my way, I tend to morph into a panicked and enraged version of myself. I like to think of that stage as a five foot three Godzilla with a shrill voice. Intimidating, I know. However humorous for the people around me, this is never a good solution. Tackling your problems involves realizing the insignificance of individual moments and realizing that people (especially overachievers) tend to focus on their moments of failure rather than their moments of success. So, a C on a test this week shouldn't overshadow two As you received earlier in the week. You may feel that you lost the love of your life, but the idea of this idealistic construct is primarily societal and probability dictates that you are likely to fall in love again. There is a degree of intense self-awareness involved in realizing your problems relative insignificance to the rest of your life, but this is the most important part of the "problem-solving" process. Even if this perspective cannot be instantly gained, repetition will eventually compound it into truth.
Another important part of finding solutions to your problems is determining why you either have problems or feel as if you do. Did you fail a test because you watched movies the night before, or because you are having trouble understanding the material? Problems may be caused by your actions, but they can also be caused by something external. In either case, blaming yourself and critiquing yourself is not a solution. Recognizing your mistakes is different from brooding about them.
If whatever is wrong is caused by something you have done, it is important to take responsibility and try to amend your actions. In the case of poor test results, if you didn't study enough, you aren't sure you understand, or if your test-taking method is not working for you, it is your responsibility to fix that. You need to see teachers immediately, get a tutor or find some effective way to fix your study methods. Complaining about failure or channeling your energy into lowering your self worth will assure progressively worse grades. I view academics and sports in similar realms. I feel like the same tactics can be used for both, replacing teachers with coaches and study methods with training routines. Of course, I am about as athletic as a potato spud so I'm probably not the best person to give advice about that.
With relationships, another area where I consider myself useless unless advising others, directing blame is often unhelpful. There are times when your behavior may be the cause of conflict. If this is something you can change, I definitely condone that. However, there are some cases where things just aren't meant to work out, or don't work out for a reason that doesn't involve anyone's fault. Finding ways to move past relationship, crush or hook up disasters that do not involve self-loathing or too much crying are healthiest. It's important to realize that bad things happen, confusing situations happen and leaving these situations with a lesson is much better than leaving them with clinical depression. Going out for a fun night of partying beats moping in your room every time. (Unless of course you drunk dial your ex professing your love. I do not advise this under any circumstance.)
Everyone has problems and everyone makes mistakes when dealing with their problems. Mistakes and personal issues don't define you. Rather, how you deal with these issues determines what type of person you are, to yourself and to the rest of the world. Pride should be shoved aside. In a way, a part of perfection is admitting your shortcomings and doing something to amend them. Everything can be fixed with time and effort. In a world of overachievers we feel like we shouldn't show weakness. But it's okay to be human, to have feelings and to make mistakes. Strength comes from dealing with problems, not hiding from them or complaining about them. The strongest people are the ones who are the most independent and the most driven to fix their flaws and amend their lifestyles.
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