I have been traditionally bad at taking criticism. Since I was a child, I did things the way I felt was right. I would follow orders the way I was expected to, but "suggestions"or less powerful commands were frequently ignored in favor of decisions that I'd made on my own. To some extent, everyone is bad at taking criticism, but there is a point when you must get over your egoism and accept that other people's view of the world may be more correct than yours. There are specific cases especially when other people's criticism matters. If someone is pointing out a comment you have made that is racist, misogynistic or in some way discriminatory against a group of people, your opinion on the comment doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you "meant it as a joke"or believe that you "don't have a misogynistic bone in your body".
If someone, especially someone who belongs to the group of people you are "not offending", is trying to correct you, then it's your responsibility to get over yourself, apologize, and try to see what you are doing wrong. If you are unable to do this, then something is wrong with you besides your ability to assess which jokes are appropriate and which ones are not.
There are a certain group of people, most often (in my experience) men, who possess entrenched arrogance so profound that it shocks me continuously. These are also often people who parade around claiming to be the "good guys" simply because they open a few doors and pull out chairs for a lady or two. Now, I'm not going to get hyped up about someone holding a door open for me, but my point is, if you claim to be a nice person, this needs to be reflected not just in shallow mechanical social requirements but also in the way you think.
One of the main ways this arrogance is shown is through an inability to understand that someone else has the right to correct you. This is often accompanied by becoming agitated and fiercely denying that you are a racist / misogynist when no one has yet accused you of such a thing. When I say, "That's racist", I am not telling you that you are racist, I'm pointing out how inappropriate a comment you made is. I'm sorry about your feelings, but who is looking out for the feelings of people in my race? Nursing the wounds of the overprivileged is the least of my concerns. I am not responsible for your insecurity or your inability to listen to any opinion other than your own. Of course, the arrogant person jumps to his own defense, rather than opening his mind, quickly painting me as the "angry black woman" who is overreacting, probably because of my period.
The thing that is most unfortunate about situations like this is the depth to which these social abominations are entrenched. An arrogant person will genuinely believe that one Harvard psychology test or the fact that they have a girlfriend proves that they are incapable of racism or sexism. They change the victims of their ignorance into attackers to protect themselves from self-awareness. These types of people will juxtapose the phrase "I am not a misogynist"with something like "women in power are sexy" and see nothing wrong with this. Of course there's nothing wrong with it. Women in power are so uncharacteristic and taboo that when they are in power, they must serve a sexual purpose. Thank god! At least they are sexy so they can serve some role pleasing men. Their power cannot be respected and treated as equal to a man's power, it must be sexy.
Sometimes, the people who think and behave like this are people close to us. Is it worth it to try to change a mindset that seems impenetrable? Any criticism is seen as a blow to the ego and met with fierce opposition. How can you reach out when reaching out seems to be so fruitless? To a certain degree, we all deviate from our goals of being perfectly egalitarian; we may accidentally make an ignorant comment or maybe we genuinely believe something that is wrong and should be against our personal philosophies. The difference between the occasionally deviant egalitarian and the moral egoist is willingness to accept criticism. I am not one to waste my time. You shouldn't be either. Some people are unchangeable, unfixable and want to remain in a state of perpetual ignorance. This is of course easier for white males in society than it is for anyone else. In the end, it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to be around these kinds of people, forced to eternally be a crusader for a lost cause. Personally, I am willing to put a certain degree of effort into changing someone's mindset, but after awhile I will move on, fixating my activism on people who have a chance at goodness.
If someone, especially someone who belongs to the group of people you are "not offending", is trying to correct you, then it's your responsibility to get over yourself, apologize, and try to see what you are doing wrong. If you are unable to do this, then something is wrong with you besides your ability to assess which jokes are appropriate and which ones are not.
There are a certain group of people, most often (in my experience) men, who possess entrenched arrogance so profound that it shocks me continuously. These are also often people who parade around claiming to be the "good guys" simply because they open a few doors and pull out chairs for a lady or two. Now, I'm not going to get hyped up about someone holding a door open for me, but my point is, if you claim to be a nice person, this needs to be reflected not just in shallow mechanical social requirements but also in the way you think.
One of the main ways this arrogance is shown is through an inability to understand that someone else has the right to correct you. This is often accompanied by becoming agitated and fiercely denying that you are a racist / misogynist when no one has yet accused you of such a thing. When I say, "That's racist", I am not telling you that you are racist, I'm pointing out how inappropriate a comment you made is. I'm sorry about your feelings, but who is looking out for the feelings of people in my race? Nursing the wounds of the overprivileged is the least of my concerns. I am not responsible for your insecurity or your inability to listen to any opinion other than your own. Of course, the arrogant person jumps to his own defense, rather than opening his mind, quickly painting me as the "angry black woman" who is overreacting, probably because of my period.
The thing that is most unfortunate about situations like this is the depth to which these social abominations are entrenched. An arrogant person will genuinely believe that one Harvard psychology test or the fact that they have a girlfriend proves that they are incapable of racism or sexism. They change the victims of their ignorance into attackers to protect themselves from self-awareness. These types of people will juxtapose the phrase "I am not a misogynist"with something like "women in power are sexy" and see nothing wrong with this. Of course there's nothing wrong with it. Women in power are so uncharacteristic and taboo that when they are in power, they must serve a sexual purpose. Thank god! At least they are sexy so they can serve some role pleasing men. Their power cannot be respected and treated as equal to a man's power, it must be sexy.
Sometimes, the people who think and behave like this are people close to us. Is it worth it to try to change a mindset that seems impenetrable? Any criticism is seen as a blow to the ego and met with fierce opposition. How can you reach out when reaching out seems to be so fruitless? To a certain degree, we all deviate from our goals of being perfectly egalitarian; we may accidentally make an ignorant comment or maybe we genuinely believe something that is wrong and should be against our personal philosophies. The difference between the occasionally deviant egalitarian and the moral egoist is willingness to accept criticism. I am not one to waste my time. You shouldn't be either. Some people are unchangeable, unfixable and want to remain in a state of perpetual ignorance. This is of course easier for white males in society than it is for anyone else. In the end, it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to be around these kinds of people, forced to eternally be a crusader for a lost cause. Personally, I am willing to put a certain degree of effort into changing someone's mindset, but after awhile I will move on, fixating my activism on people who have a chance at goodness.
No comments:
Post a Comment